damned pride

When I joined my church, early on I went through a program called Celebrate Recovery.  It's for "hurts, issues and hangups".  Truly, it is for ANYTHING that is blocking your relationship from God.  I went through at the time for anger and unforgiveness (at my ex).  Through the program, I realize that my TRUE ISSUE is my lack of trust in God (still a struggle to this day, although I struggle better most days because I am aware of this).  Some time after I was talking with a friend that I felt like I needed to go through it again because God was telling me that I needed to deal with the pride in my life.  HUH?!  You sure You're talking to me, God?  Compared to most people in my 'hood, I am po white trash.  I am the mom who works and lives paycheck to paycheck without maids, nannies, the club membership and all that is considered desired in this area.    I have worked since I was 14 and keeping up with the Joneses was a joke and something I had LONG since quit doing in college. So, I did what most people do when you hear something from God you don't want to deal with, I ignored it. 

And my sweet, gracious God brought me to where I wouldn't take myself.  One piece at a time, HE was dealing with my pride.  I later discovered that I took pride in my children and in my new marriage.  Prior to September 2010, I thought my life was pretty darn charming.  I knew love (from Bill and John).  What a blessing.  I loved my children.  I put my identity in them.  I was their mom, not really Kathy.   Not the child of God that I should have been first.  So, He knocked my knees out showing me my blind spot with my son.  He sucker punched me with Sydney.  Hard to be prideful about your son smoking pot and your daughter in rehab.  Philippians 1:6 says, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Yep, I am a work in progress and there was more work to be done.