And it looked like this

So everyday I would leave school (my job) at 2:30 to run home, take a healthy snack with me.  As I learned one of the triggers for addicts was when they were hungry (HALT...Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired), pick her up from school to sit at the Seay Center some 10+ miles away for 3 hours.  It was such an odd time.  There was a small garden there and on pretty days I would take my MP3 full of praise songs and spend time with God, in His Word, reading devotionals, reading.  She had a connection there with the other kids and when they were on breaks they would talk and laugh and tease each other.  They understood each other in ways no one else really could.  The looks on the parents faces was different...hurt, scared, sad...there wasn't that much laughter.  On the surface there might be the occasional laugh at a comment; but we were there on a different journey.  One that a child will NEVER understand until they are parents.  I wanted to fix my child, whatever was broken that made her life so miserable.  Some days I got a lot done there.  Some days there was just sweet time with God and I even had peace.  Some days, I was just sad.

We were there Monday through Thursdays until 7:30.  After this she was also responsible for going to so many AA meetings, me to alanon meetings.  She had to keep up with her school work.  I had two other children and a new husband at home that were put on hold.  Fridays we got out early then went to church.  It was surreal.  They drug tested her at the center and she was getting clean.  She had to stay clean or she would get kicked out. 

So surreal.  I cannot believe this is my life.  I have failed in so many ways.  I called my doctor at one point wanting to get on anti depressants because I didn't know how I was going to climb this mountain.  God intervened again. Because I had to take short term leave for her, I couldn't really "afford" (or afford) to take any more days off so I made an appointment for December during my Christmas break.  He did heal my heart with time.  He helped me see that part of my job as parent is unconditional love, putting that to the test.  He loves me unconditionally and I have disappointed Him many more times than I could count.  

One of my friends pointed out that I was lucky that this happened now, while she was home with me, while I could build into her and have the time with her to get through this together.  That God allowed this to come to light.  He brought her through this saving her life and yes, my own.