it's not a job for sissies

I don't think I have what it takes for the job.  You see, there is forgiveness and grace for parents.  I have messed up, said horrid things, been mean.  But, there is forgiveness there.  I do own my mistakes and ask for forgiveness.  But, the same is not true for John.  The forgiveness and grace are tough to come by, especially where two teenagers are concerned.  I was always a single mom...even when I was married before.  I did everything for them and around them.  Sydney and I were exceptionally close.  Upon further introspection, probably not healthily so.  They did not like that my attention was not all focused on them.  Sydney, especially, has difficulty sharing and caring for John (for lots of reasons).  He continues to try which amazes me. 
Can you imagine walking into the mess I just described...teenagers amuk dealing with some hard core issues?